Fifth

The lack of text colour options makes me sad, and indecisive.
I have no idea why I started to write this post to be honest with you. I know that I have 5, maybe 6, exams within the next 4 days. I know that I have a Psychological Evaluation to write up before Monday. I know that I might have caused myself to have to repeat a class. I know that one of my roommates just walked in the room. The first thing she says: "I had a caterpillar. His name was Julio." Evidently she found him on her way back from her fiance's dorm, and now he's on a tree next to our dorm (quite the migration for a caterpillar, mind you.)

I know that I overdrew my checking account by about $200 dollars. Choo no wat? Gas be 'spensive, yo! I didn't realize to what extent until I counted up how much I had traveled in the last month or so, and paying for all the gas on my own: 2 trips to Look Up, 1 trip to the Busch in Williamsburg, 1 trip home, and 1 trip to Washington, DC. Shoot man, I lived in my car every weekend.

I know that I have 2 weeks until I move into the Cliffs at Look Up for the summer!!! I can't believe God has blessed me with the opportunity to work with amazing staffers and kids/teens again this summer. I really, really don't deserve one bit of the chance to do this or the praise for whatever comes from it. That's all to God, and for God. He's just granted me the ability to do it. Oh man, I can't wait! ANDuhh...My summer roommate is Sydney Brown, who is super great. I love her, and I've met her once.

And now, back to studying, because I do have 2 or 3 exams on Monday and 3 more on Wednesday...and I'm watching Hitch tonight no matter what.

Fourth.

You've fasted now for about 2 days. My congratulations, although a select few of you cheated I know. I do after all, have friends. With whom I conversate. About life, sometimes.

It's way early in the morning/late at night. Me and my roommate Katie are passing a book back and forth, reading the same sections, one right after the other. Why are we doing this? Because we're cats who are slowly edging towards the last of our, well..my, 6th life. And all because of a book by Kevin Roose called "The Unlikely Disciple." So far, so good. Really good. It's about this guy, if you don't already know, who came to Liberty from Brown University as a sort of spy. He pretended to be an evangelical Christian to fit in as best he could, and wrote a book about his experiences at Liberty, a school that he thought was Jerry Falwell's version of a terrorist training camp. I recommend it. Up to this point at least, but I've heard good things about the rest as well.

I love Liberty. As much as I complain about it, it does have a way of endearing itself to me, with its quirks (to which I relate), with its oddities (the same), with its sense of unity and community (which I cherish), and with its reputation (the good parts I'll keep, the bad I'll try to disprove).

I'm starting to think that maybe God put me here for other people. Being at Liberty has taught me some things, none that I can really put my finger on right now (granted it is 2am) but I have been told by several people that I have had some sort of effect on their lives. That is both extremely encouraging and frightening to me. How great is my Creator that He can still use this mussed up whatever I am to affect my brothers and sisters, and future siblings, in a powerful way? I can't comprehend it. [Jon Styer, if you read this you should know that I held off some sarcasm right here. You're welcome. And no worries, it wasn't aimed at you.]

And once again, I must leave you to yourselves. It's my turn to read.

Third.

This week has been crazy. Creation Studies exam today. Philosophy (from now on to be known as Philawful, not because it's hard but because in most cases it's impractical) exam today. Presentation on Sexual Disorders and Dysfunctions in Abnormal Psychology today (which was really loads of fun, not kidding. A guy in my group...let's just say he accurately portrayed a person with a transvestic fetishism). Psychological Assessment and Measurement exam tomorrow. And the retardo class tomorrow morning. Love the material, the prof should go back to being a 3rd grade teacher fo' sho'.
-I like the autosave feature. It's neat.-
Stephen Baldwin was less than 500 feet from me. Mike Huckabee too. At the same time. Ron friggin' Luce spoke in convo this morning. (Please feel free to interpret that "friggin'" however you like.) Tonight at campus church a metal band played that I've never heard of (Dogs Of Pray?).
Liberty University is so unique.
Coffeehouse was Friday, and AMAZING. So funny, so talented. Look up some videos on Youtube. And go to www.justinkintzelproductions.com and hilarity will ensue if you watch the LUPD (Liberty University Police Department) videos and the Good, Bad, and The Ugly bloopers. I definitely have a new LU celeb crush: oh yes, Justin Kintzel. And no, Katie, he is not short. He's an inch or two taller than me, which is fine because I pretty much never wear shoes, much less high heels.
The celeb/stranger crush is my favorite. You know, sometimes you just have these people in mind and you think, "Hey, they seem cool." And you've heard them speak and seen them around and heard things about them. It's not a serious crush or interest, just an admiration I guess. But this could just be me. Be honest though. It's not just me, especially not at Liberty.
I've told you almost nothing of substance, which just means I'll be back soon because I can't let you starve. Just fast for a while. I should do something with my life, sorry. Take this opportunity to realize just how good a steak would be right now...

Second.

I didn't completely forget about this thing. I did forget the password (no worries, I set it this time so my computer remembers it for me). It's been not quite a month since my last post. I think this is going pretty well so far.

What can I tell you that will hold your attention? Maybe that I've decided to not care how professional (or not) my eventual career looks on paper? Or that I'm not doing the wisest thing (through practical eyes) about my graduate school decision? Fine. I'll start with those.

Side note: I hate that when you push tab, even in a text box, it moves the cursor to the next text box. Why shouldn't it just tab like a normal document? Oh, the extravagantly simple things that bug us nowadays.

I'ma try to get into Clemson University for graduate school (cheers all 'round, except from my mom). BUT, not into a residential program. I would if they offer this major residentially, but they don't, so I'm not. It's an online Master's in Youth Development Leadership. I looked up the courses for it (all 36 credit hours worth) and fell in love with the idea. I'm fairly certain I popped my hip out of joint I fell so hard. The classes are about the very things I'm passionate about: how to help teenagers make better decisions, how to help them grow up healthy, even how to write grant proposals to be able to fund programs. Perfect. Only it's not 'practical' because even though it's through Clemson, some employers still don't like the online part. And all I really want to do as a career is hang out with teens and pre-teens. If I can get paid for that, it's even better. A camp or group home atmosphere would be ideal, and this degree would be beneficial in either of those fields, neither of which appears 'professional.' I've been warned against this course of action by one of my favorite professors, but he's not me, though I admire his intelligence and heart very much.

[Special thanks to Jes Billet for waking me up to what I had given up on during a one-hour happen-stance conversation in the Tilley Center last week. She and I have the same heart for teens-n-such. She's wonderful. Know her if you can.]

Any other news? I finally got those Chaco's. Never fear Teva dears, you will still be worn on occasion. Probably in the mud though. I'm currently stretched to a 12 gauge earring and will go up to a 10 next month. My phone is dying and alerting me of this every 5 minutes. I have 2 weeks until Spring Break (whose only benefits are the opportunity to read a book/write a report and work on the blanket I've been crocheting for months now. And the possibility of seeing Anna Beth, whom I will live with should I get into Clemson).

All these pictures you see in my posts and my background, God has blessed me with the equipment and ability to take. I hope you like them. I do. PSYC 430 with Dr. Scott is possibly the most chill class to have ever existed. Just so you know. You're welcome. Have a good day, loves. Because for once, I've had a good week.

First

I don’t really know why I started this blog. I’ve done this before: found someone else’s, said “Hey, that sounds like a good idea! Why don’t I start one?”, started one, then fade out quickly into oblivion, leaving my faithful and eager readers dying to know what the next chapter in my life holds. Okay, so maybe the last part isn’t quite true. I fail. Not epic fail, but just fail. Too many things have become ‘epic’ or ‘awesome,’ but that’s another blog (that I’m going to skimp out on probably).
Right now I’m enjoying some swing music, wishing there were a swing outside my dorm I could sit in, or perhaps a hammock. It is warm today; even this chill-getter could wear her Teva’s comfortably. (I’m desperately trying to find some cheap Chaco’s but don’t tell them that.) But again, that’s not the point I’m trying to make.
I hate it when the obvious strikes me, especially when it strikes me through music that is cleverly using a cliche to eat at my soul. The Wedding (my new favorite band) has a CD out called ‘Polarity’ on which there’s a song called ‘This One’s for You’ in which there’s a line that says, “You gotta get, get over yourself a little to see the grass is green.” I hate that. But I love it. They make it work somehow, and it stuck in my head for days, until God accomplished through it what He had intended to. He cut with that rusty old cliche to my heart (it may well be infected now) and told me to (wo)man up.
I’ve been just sitting here complaining, not outrightly, but in my head(heart) about Liberty University and how I don’t really want to be here, or really be anywhere but with those few people I love dearly and understand from where my passions come because they have them too. I’ve also got it set in my head that I deserve to be somewhere academically better than LU. This is the first semester that I will be challenged to any great extent (assuming this semester does challenge me) and that frustrates me, since I’m a junior. The biggest fight I’ve fought while here at LU hasn’t been in the classroom, it’s been in my heart, against bitterness and pride. That’s why the song ate/is eating at me. Because even though it’s winter in Virginia, the grass is green, and has been for quite some time.
Life doesn’t suck for me. That’s a blessing. I will get out of undergrad school with less than $20,000 of debt. That’s a blessing, considering the alternatives and my family’s finances as well as mine personally. I have a 4.0 GPA. That’s a blessing. I was able to live a dream last summer (as cheesy and childlike as that sounds). That’s a blessing. I ate lunch and dinner today. That’s a double blessing. I was able to take a shower today. That’s a double blessing too (for me, and those around me). I know how to read and write. I have a car. I lack nothing that I absolutely need, and have more than I need. People are out there that love me even through my stupid pride and blindness, which led me to tell you about that GPA up there. I have potential still to be found and filled. I know what love is, in all its forms (maybe not fully in motherhood or romance, but I’ve at least tasted those). I can see color, smell smells, taste tastes, hear sounds, feel feelings, and touch things. I am at perhaps one of the most unique accredited universities in the world (which might be why God put me here). I learn from world-famous professors. I am graduating from LU May 2010, finishing in 3 years. I have the ability to dream/hope/plan/listen/follow/run/think/smile/dance/jump/roll down hills/climb on roofs/make messes...And all these things are blessings from my Adonai.
Here’s the thing. My pride gets in the way of all this. Notice how I kept saying “I...”? Yeah, that should say, “God has given me..” But it doesn’t. That’s really the one characteristic that I cannot keep a handle on. Pride. I wish I could shoot it in the R. (I think that would correlate to its jugular).
Everything is good here. Could it be better? Shoot cheah it could. But it could be crazy times worse, so I will thank God for what He has given me and move on, hopefully leaving Stacy Grump McGrumpy behind. (yeah I’m lame, wat y’ gon’ do ‘bout it, son?) Yeah, I just went there. And I’m staying. [Dag, she means business yo]

This is starting to get ridiculous so I’ma head out. Also, if this went any longer, no one would read it, assuming you’re not caught up in the hype about A.D.D. and haven’t stopped reading already. [This one thing I will not give up yet: my critical attitude toward ADD and ADHD, not just yet. Not without more conclusive research on upbringing styles and media influences.]