Clarity Evades Me.

How much is too much for a thing to be a coincidence?

I’m not sure where I stand on this yet, the whole Armenian/Calvinist debate still rages within me at times. Are there coincidences or is everything decisively planned and plotted?

To what extent are happenings purely up to interpretation? It seems as though the answer to this lies within the answer to the aforementioned debate, which is itself merely an interpretative debate. 

And where’s the line between being persistent with prayer, approaching God with the desires of your heart, and wasting your time because it’s not what He has for you? Does such a line exist? I fear that it does and that I have crossed it too many times to be coincidental.

Perhaps that line is simply in motive and openness. If I am persistent and honest in my prayer, my expression of desire to God, yet remain open to what He knows is best for me even if it is different than my desire, perhaps this is it. But even then I feel as though I am wasting effort. I should be honest and say: I feel as though I am putting my innards in too much danger. I’m pouring out all of me, my heart, wanting so deeply for this coincidence to coincide already, with the knowledge that it may never be so.

That’s risky.
That takes faith. And knowledge.
Maybe that’s what He means when He says: “And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.” (Matthew 21:22 NASB)

Maybe it’s not believing you will receive what you ask.
Maybe it’s believing that whether or not you receive what you ask, the best thing you could have asked for will happen.
Maybe it’s believing that regardless of what you receive, God is Good. Faithful. True. Powerful. Wise.

Maybe it’s believing that He will take care of your heart, whether it is dashed against stones or sent soaring on sweet breezes.

Maybe it’s time that I trust God actively with my heart.

"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive-to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before"
                                                                             -Rollo May

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