I still don't remember that vocab word.
About being Chosen, and Seen, and Set Apart. It put the fear of God in me. I was elated, finally to have realized my identity, but suddenly timid, finally to have realized how important my identity makes me.
Wow that sounds arrogant.
I mean that Father has set apart some destiny for me, some life that isn't along the same path as any majority of travelers. I am one among few, and I don't yet know where we are but I think I've met a few of those few, and we've been charged with a mission. It's good to know that I'm not alone in this, but it makes it even more essential that I find some of those few wherever I go. I cannot be alone. I've been Alone before. Nothing good comes from Alone. Nothing.
|singled out, but not alone|
I began holding back, trying to more and more understand precisely what He means when He calls me by my names. I retreated into the uneasy comfort of my mind because there were very few, sadly few, people on Summer Staff this year to whom I could speak and expect understanding and wisdom beyond what God had already given me. (Wow. Still arrogant...)
I have to say, Father and I make a pretty efficient pair: Summer 2k11 allowed more immediate internal and personal growth than any of my other summers. [Disclaimer: the more recent the memory the more vivid and thus the more seemingly powerful. So I don't really know if that last statement is true. More than likely it was simply a continuation of past learning and God had prepared me for middle school rather than elementary.]
An unfortunate but natural result of all that time as an Us instead of a Them was a lack of deep connection to all but those few that I brought in close or that sought to be brought in. Ninety-four point 7% of my time was spent out in the stairwell of chapel instead of in the Bear Den where I couldn't hear Greg or the Spirit teach. It was the ultimate Distraction Destination. In there it was easy and I didn't want easy (gasp!). I wanted challenge and growth and yeah, I wanted fun. But I didn't want fun at the expense of the other two and that's mostly what I saw when I was passing through.
Please, I don't mean to sound completely judgmental because I'm only being a little judgmental.
Okay. Here's an explanation: I like to fill in gaps. Wherever something is needed, I want to supply it. A balance-keeper, a jack-of-all-trades, a mound of clay am I. This summer had an overabundance of frivolity; I balanced it with sincerity. This summer had an overabundance of on-a-whims; I balanced it with intentionality. This summer had an overabundance of laughs; I balanced it with tears. I've lost you, haven't I? Now you think I'm being dramatic and artsy, and that's because I almost went there.
When you're the reality check, the voice of wisdom and experience, the elder...guess what happens? People don't call you fun, exciting, adventurous, and they don't yearn for the very moment you walk into a room.
Hello Summer 2k11. I'm Stacy. I don't think you know all that I am because at most moments I am required to be one facet of myself: PARENT.
|Green Hill Park, Salem, VA|
In a world of abbrev.'s why haven't we come up with one for "To Be Continued"?
It's okay. I dislike abbreviations with the same passion with which I dislike the phrase "To Be Continued."