This week I realized why this semester has been so hard socially for me. My friends and I are growing in different directions. The majority of them want the American dream, they support military action to keep or engender peace, and they want a job and house of their own in a quiet safe neighborhood. I want adventure, not stress. Interdependence, not independence. I want risk and not safety so that God can show himself. I want simple, but not boring. I want love and not war.
I know it sounds like I'm glamorizing my point of view, and some part of me is, but at the same time I know that I was not made for normal. I am quirky, unusual, and stubborn. I'm really struggling because I talk to my friends about my dreams and get some considerate replies that come wrapped in disbelieving or disapproving facial expressions. I love my friends and they love me, but they don't understand me. I hate that. Really hate it. Thank God I do have a few friends here that understand, but those friends are the very ones that I see and hang out with via planning every two weeks or so.
I long for community and faith and love and concern and openness and whole conversations about the wonder that is our God. I want to look at nature and say "Oh God, look what You've made! You are so beautiful" and that not be unusual to hear.
Lord Jesus come soon.
That's when all this will happen for sure and for ever. But I'd like to start living like it is already here! Is that so bad?