But my 4 year old cousins, one doesn't know my name and the other didn't know who I was, though she was quite friendly anyhow.
That's a little hard to take, especially since names, like stories, are really important to me. (By the way, if you want to call me by a nickname, "Stace" is my favorite. Like Stacy, without the "E" sound. Second best, "Stacy-face.") I don't want to but I think I have to get used to that, at least some. Since I'll be at school for one more semester, in South Carolina during the summer, and
Jesus said in Luke 14:26 "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple."
That sucks. Because I love my mom, my brother, my aunts and uncles, my grandparents, and my cousins to pieces. And I'm being drawn to places where they are not. And it's hard to love someone you haven't SEEN more than those you can hug, run with, skip with, color with, get food and drink for, and make up stories about a bird and two spiders in a birdbath with.
I guess that's why Jesus also says in Matthew 25:40 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of thesebrothers of mine, you did for me.'" To me this means that everytime I hug, run with, skip with, color with, get food and drink for, and make up stories about a bird and two spiders in a birdbath with those cousins of mine (two 4 year olds, a 10 year old, and an almost 14 year old), I'm really doing all those things with Jesus.
And I can tell.
It's really those times when I'm with people who feel the same pain I do (go here for a definition of that people) and when I'm around kids and pre-teens and teens that I really sense Jesus, that I really know God. That's why I'm so relaxed when I should be frickin' out this semester, usually. My Father has blessed me in the past couple of weeks to be able to play with kids a few times; He knew that's what I needed most.
But it's still going to be EXTREMELY hard for me to up and leave my family for long periods of time, especially my mom. (I'm even getting a little choked up about it now.) BUT GOD. He's worth it, and I will spend eternity with Him, and with my mom, who will then be able to do the things she loves all the time and her beauty will shine more than it does even now. Dang it tears, go away...
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