Breakdown! Breakdown, oohh [part I]

If you love Relient K as much as I do, you'd know that the title of this entry comes from a song of similar name off the album Anatomy Of The Tongue In Cheek, which was a good'un. Back in the day. Well, back in 2001.

My yesterday was the day of breakdowns. Just one actually. Sorry, I like exaggeration.

Yesterday was my first full day at home for Christmas break. I caught up on sleep, chilled with my brother at the house, went out with my family for dinner, then hung out with Lori and Sonia (yes, the 3 Amigas, or Stooges, are together again for a time). 

The breakdown happened between being at the house and having dinner out with the family.

I had found an old pocket-sized Bible in a drawer in our kitchen. I knew no one used it, so I wanted to see what version it was and I wanted to keep it in my Look Up-given fanny pack/bag/thing I use as my carryall because I really hate purses. I flipped it open thinking, "yeah, I go to Liberty, I can tell what version it is within a few words!" {that was only partly true, my friends sometimes expect me to be smarter than they are with Bible stuff just because I go to LU. Odd thing is...sometimes I am. LU influence is yet to be determined.}

So I open it. And where else does it land but on Isaiah 54:1. God sent this verse to me at a very critical point of my summer (some at LU and at home know the full, maybe-prophecy, story), and I told no one there. Isaiah 54:1 says, "Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband," says the LORD. Crap. I'll explain more about this verse and things relating to it in the next post, because this one'd be REALLY long if I included it here.

I then went to deposit my "hey, I sold all my books back" money, plus some savings bonds we had found in my name, into the bank to pay for next semester. Here's where it starts. The savings bonds I won in middle school/family members from my dad's side had given to me when I was little, on the bond itself, said $500 and two $50 respectively. So, I'm thinking-and was told in middle school-that they would be worth $600 total and I'm going to deposit about $800 into my account, including my book money. That still leaves me with about $300 that neither me nor my family can provide to pay for next semester, but it's a lot better than the $500 we started with. 

I get to the bank, and I live in a very small town, so I got some funny looks because they didn't recognize me (I haven't been inside this bank in over 2 years). They deal with the bonds first. I get my receipt. Only $384 and some change was put in. I stood there shocked while they deposited the book money, then asked them why there was a difference. 

Evidently the bonds aren't worth what they say they're worth until they accrue the full interest on the purchase amount, which is only HALF of what the paper says. That's so stupid!!! I was so angry, infuriated actually, because I'm right back where I started. I still had $500 to spring out of nowhere, since no one will hire me for a month, and my middle school straight up LIED to me, a 6th grader, when they said I had won $500 for my essay. 

I hate being lied to. HATE IT. Probably because I struggle with lying myself (aka exaggerations...). And I had expected to be so much closer to paying for my last semester. And I knew my mom would want to absorb the extra cost, because she's my mom and that's what she does. But she can't now. 

So here I go, driving up Christiansburg mountain to meet my mom and brother, all enraged, then I start crying. Shoot. I knew I would too. My mom got out of her car, and I out of mine, and she just let me cry. She knew that the lost money was not the only reason I was crying. I told her that I just really hate having to put pressure on her to keep providing for her 20-year-old daughter. That I hate being a burden to her.

Then she started crying, which makes me cry more. She told me, I will never forget this, that a little after my dad died (when I was 2 and my brother a newborn) people told her how hard she would have it being a single mom with two young kids. She said she chose to have us, and that not one day of her life had she regretted having us. She said that we were what kept her going most days. So I cried more, of course. Almost crying again now.

And then we went to dinner.
And then I hung out with my co-conspirators.
And then I came home and realized again how hard it is going to be to leave my mom.
And then....I realized that I had some begging to do of the AmeriCorps people because my mom, as dear to me as she is, did not see the deadline posted on some information sent to my house. I missed it by a few days because I was at school still. I have called and sent emails, so hopefully I hear back from them soon about my options now. 

I'll post part II here soon, maybe later tonight.


1 comment:

  1. I cried when I read this.
    What a beautiful, strong mother you have. What a courageous woman. Oh Stacy - if you want a role model for your life of singleness, as you call it, you probably don't have to look much farther.