Yesterday I did one of the hardest things I've ever done. And for part of it I felt like I was lying (because I wanted to be lying).
I wrote a letter to my mom explaining all of the things that God showed me about our relationship last Thursday night. I cried pretty much the whole time I was writing it. First on my computer, then by hand. I was up until 4 am writing, and I was exhausted, but relieved to have it out.
I'm really nervous about how she took it. I left it near her work stuff for her to read today sometime, but she didn't say anything about it this afternoon. Neither did I. It was a little awkward (and I don't like using that word). I didn't talk with her about it because I knew I'd start crying and not be able to get everything out that I needed to get out.
I just hope she didn't take it as an insult or me being selfish.
Last Thursday I went to Rend, a small student-led prayer thing at Liberty, based on Isaiah 64:1
Instant community. Instant sense of the Spirit. I knew that I was supposed to be there. I know that I will be going back. I met a few people, two of whom stayed with me until God rent my heart and drew out everything. Well, most everything. One of those people has kept me accountable over break to do the things I said I would do. Awesome. She is lovely.
Update on the dreads? Might as well...They're still there! Frizzy, messy...most of them are lockin' up nicely, but some are loose as regular hair. Those will soon be covered with hemp. Add some color anyway. I've just about given up on having neat dreads, at least for a long time. I just didn't put in the initial work needed to accomplish that. So, eventually they will shape up, after my hair gets longer and the lengths even out.
Update on other things: I'm going to Look Up this weekend (woohoo!) with some girls from my home church (Good Shepherd Baptist) who were dying to go down there for a visit. I surprised them with the fact that, yeah, I could probably set that up for them. They are so excited, so very very very excited.
I am too.